What's love got to do with it . . .

I have been wrestling lately with the idea of God's unconditional love . . . yes, I can affirm that God's love is unconditional . . . I have no problem with this. Where my problem comes is when we translate this into believing that we are to love unconditionally . . . I just can't buy into this from a practical standpoint and more importantly from a theologically standpoint.

Although not a parent myself, I don't think parents love unconditionally . . . successful parenting calls for the parent provide structure for their child(ren) . . . limits/boundaries -- things that are acceptable and things that are not acceptable. Might I suggest that some of the problems are culture faces today are caused that at some point parents -- for a variety of reasons, have been unable to set clear boundaries or if these have been set the parents have been unable to follow through on consequences when a child crosses those boundaries.

Jesus said to his disciples: If you love me, you will do as I command. Then I will ask the Father to send the Holy Spirit who will help you and always be with you. The Spirit will show you what is true. The people of the world cannot accept the Spirit, because they don't see or know him. But you know the Spirit, who is with you and will keep living in you. John 14: 15 - 17

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. Now we know that Jesus gave a Reader's Digest version of the 10 Commandments: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all of your might. And you shall love your neighbor as yourself. So stealing from Bill Clinton infamous statement that it depends on how one defines the word "is" the question arises how do we define the word "love" . . . is love as Jesus talks about it an emotion or is it action, a way of being . . . perhaps the best definitions of the love that I believe God is calling us to show one another -- apart from Scripture, is written by M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled: "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

I think when we look at the love that Jesus demonstrated Peck's definition encompasses how we as mere humans, although empowered by the Holy Spirit, can best live the love that Jesus calls us to live. Part of this love is to hold one another accountable to God's commands. Can we truly love people if we allow them to live in ways that are not in keeping with how God calls us to live.

Now, I know that this is the case made by those who are opposed to full inclusion of folks who are homosexual, lesbian and transgendered . . . and while the Church is focused on this we have men and women who are heterosexual involved in a variety of sexual relationships outside the bounds of marriage . . . too often we, and here I mean the Church, turn a blind eye. My first semester in seminary we had a man and women living together openly in the dorm . . . no one said anything. They broke up the following semester. Several years ago I was told by a staff member of a regional church group that if anyone brought "charges" against any one in our regional church groups based on a same sex relationship he has a file of which of our clergy and key leaders were having extramarital affairs.

In the last congregation I served we has several couples who lived together without benefit of marriage . . . no one said anything about these couples . . . interestingly, each came to me to tell me the reasons . . . each had to do with money (each of the women would lost the pensions they were receiving on their deceased husbands) . . . but they were welcomed in the church . . . after all, we are all sinners . . . when one of the men was asked to be a spiritual leader in the church, he came to talk to me -- to tell me why he would have to decline -- he knew that he was living in a way that was not pleasing to God and although he would continue to be an active member (as he tried to convince his live-in girlfriend that they didn't need the pension) of the church, but could not serve in a position of leadership.

Does the Church show their love when they turn a blind eye to bad behavior . . . behavior that is blatantly against God's will . . . or does the Church show their love when they are willing to say, 'we love you, but we do not believe your behavior is in line with what God desires as revealed in the Word.'

Just thinkin'

Lydia

Fear not . . .

It has taken awhile to decide what to do, but (glup) I did it . . . I mailed a letter with the copy of the article to the governing body where I had my last call . . . the body that chose to do nothing about this pastor who may be . . . and this is the operative phrase, "may be" a serial sexual harrasser or worse. I sent it the old fashion way . . . snail mail . . . whether it gets there before they meet I don't know . . . at least the deed is done . . . my conscious is clear . . . I have done what I felt called to do . . . it is now out of my hands.

Whenever that nagging fear surfaces . . . that it will come back to bite me in the butt . . . I repeat my mantra -- "fear not" . . . this weekend reading randomly in the Bible these word jumped out . . . "for I am with you."

The odd thing is about 2 years ago I attended a meeting with some of the folks . . . some of the leadership, in that other place . . . part of the meeting was talking about how as a denomination we could no longer pass on pastors who had demoostrated bad behavior . . . of course, this man wasn't passed on . . . he was allowed to honorably retire . . . we no longer provide for any other kind of retirement . . . jsut honorable. I wonder . . . if the allegations are all true or even half of then, what does this say about what we believe about the word honorable? Has it lost its meaning?

This isn't a new thing . . . that we pass "problemed" pastors on . . . when I was in my 20's one was passed on to our church . . . he was accused of raping a 16 year old boy . . . the boy wouldn't testify in a church trial and the other eyewitness fled the juridiction when he got wind of it . . . his wife died several years later of AIDS . . . a few years later he followed.

I serve in a governing body that works hard not to do this . . . to pass on "troubled" pastors . . . we try to get them the help they need . . . even when it causes hard feelings . . . but isn't that what you do when you love someone . . . and aren't we called to love one another?

What to do . . .

After the revelations of my last blog I have sought counsel from two spiritual mentors and an attorney . . . oh, yea -- the attorney is deeply spiritual and also deeply concerned about the Church and our denomination . . . he was helpful . . . one of the spiritual mentors responded . . . helpful and sad . . . the other didn't . . . I realize that in asking for his counsel I put him in a difficult situation . . . he is in one of the denominational regions where the tentacles from this may reach . . . after realizing this I have absolved him from response.

I have to admit it I am scared to take the counsel offered . . . fear that people will somehow use it against me . . . but should my fear combine with the blind eyes that have allowed this man to move from church to church with only God and possible victims knowing what he has done . . . he is now honorably retired . . . but my fear is that this goes back decades and that there are victims whose voices have been silent . . . who may in fact still be dealing with the pain -- the spiritual pain that a person called by God would do these things -- allegedly do these things . . . but even more than this, that other people called by God would turn a blind eye.

Worse is in between church gigs he taught in public schools . . . did anything happen there . . . are there young girls who were victims . . . I realize it isn't about sex . . . it is about power, control, his inadequacies but that doesn't erase the victims pain.

I remember when I was going through this initially my church (denomination) deserted me . . . I turned to a minister in another denomination to discuss how I was feeling torn between my strong sense of call and how I was feeling abandoned by the very men and women who had taken the same ordination vows that I did -- to be a friend among colleagues . . . where were they?

In the end I chose to be faithful to God's call both to ministry and to this particular denomination . . . but I think this is when I began seeing with new eyes.

My mantra has become "Fear not"

Lydia

The past comes back to haunt . . .

It has been almost six years since she told me about how uncomfortable he was making her . . . he had already started working subtly to break down my confidence so I felt impotent to do anything to help her . . . I went to the moderator of the appropriate committee . . . he did nothing . . . oh, yea . . . keep documentation . . . as the weeks go on I observe more things and I keep documentation . . . I also keep calling . . . finally, I am threatened with my job. In the end it costed me my job . . . six month of my life defending myself against charges that I had lied to get rid of him . . . friendships.

I have worked slowly to forgive . . . more about my moving on . . . he left the area . . . oh, yea he did lose his job . . . the investigation resulted in "boys will be boys" and "no body was hurt" -- my intrepretation. . . the church secretary felt so unsafe she quit her 15 year job . . . a church was torn apart . . . and we have no idea about what other wounds were inflicted.

I heard about two and 1/2 years ago he was called to another church . . . I prayed hard that he had changed . . . I had seen how God had redeemed the experiences for the church secretary, for myself and even the church . . . they called a wonderful solo pastor . . . I hear that he has done well in healing them . . . even though we have met he never reached out and, in fact, when I was invited over 2 years later to a celebration for the 50th anniversary of the church he had me uninvited . . . what a message to the value of my 4 year ministry there.

Last night for some odd reason I google his name . . . a lawsuit has been filed against him . . . a member of the congregation he served has accused him of false imprisonment and rape . . . the church who called him, the judicial body over that church and the denomination are also named in the suit . . the lawsuit contends that people should have known . . . the article contents that when people were told they chose not to act . . . the article related that he told her that others had tried to hurt him but they were unsuccessful so she better kept her mouth shut . . . there is also a criminal investigation.

And we wonder about the state of the Church . . . if the judicial body who had oversight of him six years ago had taken the complaints seriously . . . if the investigated committee had done their job . . . was told last year by their chair that they didn't see the documents where he admitted everything . . . of course, we just misunderstood . . . why didn't they see these documents? . . . boys will be boys . . . no one was hurt.

Now, we have an 80 year old woman who relates she was hurt . . . imprisoned, raped and threatened alledgingly . . . and again the church was unwilling to respond . . . the Church failed this man . . . I believe that he is hurt and broken . . . and how did we show him love . . . by ignoring his pain and brokenness . . . to preserve the institution

The past has come back to haunt me . . . the pain and anger is back . . . and I wonder, what do I do with what I know . . . and I am praying . . . for this woman, his other victims and for him.

Lydia

A New Year . . .

It is a New Year . . . I use to make resolutions, I don't anymore as they would fall by the wayside within a month or so . . . this year no resolutions just a prayer . . .

Come, Holy Spirit,Spirit of God, Spirit of the Risen Christ,

Be with me today and always.

Be my Light, my Guide, and my Comforter.

Be my Strength, my Courage, and my Sanctifier.
May this new year be a time of deep spiritual growth for me,

A time for welcoming Your graces and gifts,

A time for forgiving freely and unconditionally,

A time for growing in virtue and goodness.
Come, Holy Spirit,

Be with me today and always. Amen.

Some children . . .

Some children see Him lily white,the baby Jesus born this night.

Some children see Him lily white,with tresses soft and fair.

Some children see Him bronzed and brown, The Lord of heav'n to earth come down.

Some children see Him bronzed and brown, with dark and heavy hair.

Some children see Him almond-eyed, this Savior whom we kneel beside.some children see Him almond-eyed,with skin of yellow hue.

Some children see Him dark as they, sweet Mary's Son to whom we pray.

Some children see him dark as they, and, ah! they love Him, too!

The children in each different place will see the baby Jesus' face like theirs, but bright with heavenly grace, and filled with holy light.

O lay aside each earthly thing and with thy heart as offering,

come worship now the infant King.

'Tis love that's born tonight!

Several years ago at one of the churches I served, a couple asked if they might do some special music the Sunday before Christmas . . . "of course if it is appropriate" . . . they assured me it was appropriate . . . tears flowed as I heard them sing these lyrics . . . and it reminded me of another song . . . Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world . . . did you know this is just the refrain to a hymn written to the tune of a Civil War song . . . there are verses, yes, verses . . . and there is an alternative refrain. . . Jesus died for all the children,All the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, All are precious in His sight, Jesus died for all the children of the world.

Powerful words and powerful reminders that Jesus is Lord of all colors of people . . . . as members of the One Family of God adopted by God through the person and work of Jesus Christ, especially His work on the cross can't the Church work harder to end racism and hatred?

Perhaps this is the gift that we need to pursue with all we are.

For God so loved the world . . .

Lydia

Instant Karma . . .

John Lennon wrote those lyrics . . . do I believe in karma like the Hindus do, no, but these is a saying my Mama taught me . . . she learned it from her Sunday School teacher when she was a little girl . . . she celebrates her 84th tomorrow . . . oh, what she learned: "be careful your sins will find you out." Is this in the Bible . . . no, I don't think these word are, but I think we have some evidence that there are consequences for things that we choose to do . . . Joseph's brothers, David and I am sure that there are many, many other examples that bear this out in Scripture and I am sure that we have all had experiences of this in our own lives.

Whether this is an example or not it is about what goes around comes around . . . more than 3 and 1/2 decades later (if my math is correct!?) When I was in 9th grade I liked a boy named Billy, a foot ball player . . . he liked a friend of mine, Chris . . . now Chris was a cheerleader, cute and outgoing . . . on the other hand, I eschewed football, was OK looking and introverted . . . Billy and Chris started dating . . . I was mad and wanted to get back at Chris for "stealing" Billy . . . so one day in Home Economics we were baking cakes from scratch . . . I waited for the opportunity to switch Chris' baking power for baking soda . . . her cake failed to rise.

I remembered this incident early this morning . . . I don't bake often but decided to bake some Christmas bread while visiting my family . . . so yesterday morning I got all my ingredients together . . . mixed them together . . . put the loaf pans in the oven . . . an hour later I check them . . . they don't appear to be rising as much as they should . . . after they are baked I look at them . . . flat. Later in the evening we go ahead and have a slice . . . although it didn't rise it tasted OK . . . about 2am this morning I woke up went to the pantry . . . yes, I had used baking soda instead of baking powder . . . and then I remembered Chris' face when Mrs. Neighbors graded her cake . . . "F." Chris and Billy are married and one of the few couples I know of from high school who are still living happily ever after.

Maybe the Golden rule of treating others as you would like to be treated isn't such a bad thing . . . most of the world religions have a similar concept . . . what might the world look like if we were to all live like this?

Lydia