First week . . .

Whoa, it has been exhausting . . . my first full week of residency in Clinical Pastoral Education . . . exhausting, but in a good way. There are seven of us . . . quite diverse: a Roman Catholic priest from India; a Jewish Rabbi (female) from LA; a Unitarian-Universalist from New Jersey (male); a recently grad of Southern Baptist Seminary in New Orleans who is also the Administrative Pastor at a new church plant in Metairie; a Roman Catholic lay woman from New Orleans; a recent grad of Princeton (female) who grew up Pentecostal but hasn't decided her faith tradition -- leaning toward Quaker; and me, Presbyterian.

Yesterday was my first 24 hour on-call rotation . . . three code blues (deaths) although by the time I arrived on units the two of the patients had been revived . . . the one early this morning died. Sunday I will also have on-call duties . . . as it works out 1x/week we will be on-call and 4 weekends in a three month period . . . I have call Sunday . . . Monday off and then hospital orientation.

Man, my feet have never hurt this much . . . can't wear backless shoes . . . my vice so am having to get use to "real" shoes.

I will be working with a UMC Pastor who has done the one year Residency Program and is now finishing up her three year Supervisory track in oncology and palliative care . . . this was my first choice as well as the first choice of one other person . . . after awhile at negotiating I was ready to give in and take my 2nd choice . . . feeling guilty as I was standing my ground . . . I guess somewhere I have gotten the message that I don't deserve my first choice or that I have to settle so the other person won't have to settle . . . Supervisor wouldn't allow me to give in and in the end I was able to get the units I wanted . . . although I am trying hard not to look to the future, this is the unit that I believe will provide better opportunity should I decided to pursue professional chaplaincy.

Exhausted by this first week but excited about this door that has been opened.

Lydia

Coming up on 5 years . . .

Sunday will mark the 5th Anniversary of Katrina . . . Katrina changed the face of life for so many people in MS and LA . . . of course, in Metro New Orleans it really wasn't Katrina -- it was the breaching of the levees . . . Katrina was a natural disaster . . . what happened to Metro New Orleans was a human made disaster.

As the 5th Anniversary approaches one can't help think back on that day and the days following . . . having evacuated from St Charles Parish to my Mother and sister's home on the MS Gulf Coast I was privy to the pictures coming out of New Orleans after the levees broke . . . as I heard the reports on the radio (we had a battery operated radio -- no electricity) in my mind's eye there was no way I could imagine the horrors . . . it is hard to imagine living through that. Living through Camille in 1969 was traumatic enough for me . . . 5 and 1/2 feet of water rushing into the downstairs, but that water didn't linger for three weeks . . . it came and went within a couple of minutes.

The MS Gulf Coast still had not fully recovered from Camille when Katrina hit . . . it will take a long time for both MS and LA to recover from Katrina and the New Orleans, the breaching of the levees . . . neither will ever be the same . . . there is an opportunity for change and growth . . . will this opportunity be embraced or will it slip through our hands?

Procastination . . .

Remember the Carley Simon song, Anticipation . . . in my head the words anticipation changes to procrastination . . . procrastination, procrastination, is making me late, keeping the house waiting . . . so close to being done and yet so far. The fact is I don't like housework . . . and this is what is waiting for me . . . cleaning up and mopping . . . it won't take long . . . it is just taking that first step . . . maybe lunch then . . .

Lydia

Opening door . . .

or a new chapter . . . either way I am making a seismic shift in life (and in my thinking) . . . new living arrangements, new town, new job, new friends (hopefully) . . . truth be told, we all make these kind of shifts in our lives . . . some we choose, others are chosen for us . . . either way, they are opportunities for growth and change even if, for awhile, we have to suffer/mourn our losses.

As I write this I think about Joseph . . . how in his mind he had a splendid life . . . everything was going well . . . his father's favorite . . . little did he know that trouble was brewing up ahead . . . perhaps, he was a little arrogant in telling his brothers' about his dreams . . . was this God's way of preparing him for what he would have to endure as God's plan for him was unfolding? . . . thrown into a pit . . . sold into slavery . . . then years later God uses him to save God's people.

Romans 8:28 has always been a verse that brings comfort . . . reminding me that God is ultimately in control when I am working to live in God's will . . . years ago I came to couple this with a verse from Joesph's story when he reveals himself to his brothers . . . "you meant it for evil, God has used it for good" . . . perhaps, this is at the core of forgiveness . . . seeing that even in the midst of forced choices . . . those we would rather not have to live through . . . God is at work redeeming the situation.

To God be the glory.

Lydia

"Tis a gift to be simple . . .

I continue to ponder this idea of simplicity as a spiritual discipline as I sort through what I want need and what I can give up as I make a move to a smaller place. My car is loaded for another trip to the local thrift shop run by the Association for Retarded Citizens. As I have sorted through closets and boxes sorting through there has been, surprisingly a sense of liberation.

During a break . . . I take way too many of these, I revisited the chapter on simplicity in Richard Foster's classic, Celebration of Discipline. Foster defines simplicity as "an inward reality that results in an outward life-style" (69) which leads to freedom, joy and balance . . . not a bad way to live.

"I know what it is like to be in need, and I know what it is like to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12

'Tis a gift to be simple,

'Tis a gift to be free

'Tis a gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we see ourselves in a way that's right,

We will live in a valley of love and delight.

Traveling toward simplicity,

Lydia

Simplicity . . .

Each time I have moved . . . set off on another trek on the journey through this life, I have craved simplicity . . . in search of simplicity I give lots of stuff away . . . I have done some of this this time and still have more to give away . . . and although I do this each time I move I seem to accumulate more and more . . . I am not sure when or why.

A man who worked in the library of the seminary I attended (he was a grad also) lived a life of simplicity . . . his one room studio apartment was a monument to his lifestyle as was his wardrobe and how he shopped -- he was green before it was cool to be green.

In recent weeks I have been hearing more and more about people voluntarily embracing a more simple lifestyle . . . some for economic reasons, some as they believe it will make them happier and some because they feel called by God to live such a lifestyle . . . it seems to be a lifestyle that Jesus lived. I wonder what would happen if more of us who confess Christ would embrace such a lifestyle . . . trusting in God's providence . . . of course, we must do our part, but is it really about having more and having the latest gadget?

We are a country that seems to have brought into the idea that things will bring us happiness. Did you realize that the Greek word for happiness never appears in the New Testament? The reason is that by itself this word has no meaning . . . instead the Greek word for joy is used . . . although joy is a component of happiness there is a huge difference between the two . . . as the world defines happiness it is dependent on eternal variables . . . joy, on the other hand, according to Scripture is internal and is based on one's relationship with Jesus . . . "when you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey the Father's commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, you joy will overflow." John 15: 10 - 11

As a child I learned the following definition for JOY:

Jesus

Other

You

I wonder if this might not be a formula for a life of simplicity?

Lydia

Self care . . .

Two more folks have posted the NY op-ed piece about clergy burnout . . . self care has been hard
for me . . . I am not sure the reason this is true, but one of the things I have talked with God about is that this year will not only be one of discernment, but also one of learning to take care of myself in all areas of my life.

One of the places where I have not done well at self care is on my physical self . . . the pre-employment physical yesterday revealed sugar in my urine and hypertension. I have been a borderline diabetic for 6 years and "assumed" I was controlling it with diet and exercise . . . but I was kidding myself . . . I wasn't really doing either . . . so yesterday I started on medication for hypertension . . . at my MD's appointment today my BP had already dropped . . . and today I start on medications for diabetes.

The doctor a young Asian woman is hopeful that at some point I will be able to come off of the medications . . . who knows, but I do know that I need to take seriously that when God tells us that we are to love ourselves . . . yes, "love your neighbor as you love yourself" this must include caring for ourselves physically. This is hard for me . . . I don't like doctors but it is a part of being faithful to how God would have us live.

And so a year of discernment and self-care is starting.


Lydia