What to do . . .

After the revelations of my last blog I have sought counsel from two spiritual mentors and an attorney . . . oh, yea -- the attorney is deeply spiritual and also deeply concerned about the Church and our denomination . . . he was helpful . . . one of the spiritual mentors responded . . . helpful and sad . . . the other didn't . . . I realize that in asking for his counsel I put him in a difficult situation . . . he is in one of the denominational regions where the tentacles from this may reach . . . after realizing this I have absolved him from response.

I have to admit it I am scared to take the counsel offered . . . fear that people will somehow use it against me . . . but should my fear combine with the blind eyes that have allowed this man to move from church to church with only God and possible victims knowing what he has done . . . he is now honorably retired . . . but my fear is that this goes back decades and that there are victims whose voices have been silent . . . who may in fact still be dealing with the pain -- the spiritual pain that a person called by God would do these things -- allegedly do these things . . . but even more than this, that other people called by God would turn a blind eye.

Worse is in between church gigs he taught in public schools . . . did anything happen there . . . are there young girls who were victims . . . I realize it isn't about sex . . . it is about power, control, his inadequacies but that doesn't erase the victims pain.

I remember when I was going through this initially my church (denomination) deserted me . . . I turned to a minister in another denomination to discuss how I was feeling torn between my strong sense of call and how I was feeling abandoned by the very men and women who had taken the same ordination vows that I did -- to be a friend among colleagues . . . where were they?

In the end I chose to be faithful to God's call both to ministry and to this particular denomination . . . but I think this is when I began seeing with new eyes.

My mantra has become "Fear not"

Lydia