What to do . . .

After the revelations of my last blog I have sought counsel from two spiritual mentors and an attorney . . . oh, yea -- the attorney is deeply spiritual and also deeply concerned about the Church and our denomination . . . he was helpful . . . one of the spiritual mentors responded . . . helpful and sad . . . the other didn't . . . I realize that in asking for his counsel I put him in a difficult situation . . . he is in one of the denominational regions where the tentacles from this may reach . . . after realizing this I have absolved him from response.

I have to admit it I am scared to take the counsel offered . . . fear that people will somehow use it against me . . . but should my fear combine with the blind eyes that have allowed this man to move from church to church with only God and possible victims knowing what he has done . . . he is now honorably retired . . . but my fear is that this goes back decades and that there are victims whose voices have been silent . . . who may in fact still be dealing with the pain -- the spiritual pain that a person called by God would do these things -- allegedly do these things . . . but even more than this, that other people called by God would turn a blind eye.

Worse is in between church gigs he taught in public schools . . . did anything happen there . . . are there young girls who were victims . . . I realize it isn't about sex . . . it is about power, control, his inadequacies but that doesn't erase the victims pain.

I remember when I was going through this initially my church (denomination) deserted me . . . I turned to a minister in another denomination to discuss how I was feeling torn between my strong sense of call and how I was feeling abandoned by the very men and women who had taken the same ordination vows that I did -- to be a friend among colleagues . . . where were they?

In the end I chose to be faithful to God's call both to ministry and to this particular denomination . . . but I think this is when I began seeing with new eyes.

My mantra has become "Fear not"

Lydia

The past comes back to haunt . . .

It has been almost six years since she told me about how uncomfortable he was making her . . . he had already started working subtly to break down my confidence so I felt impotent to do anything to help her . . . I went to the moderator of the appropriate committee . . . he did nothing . . . oh, yea . . . keep documentation . . . as the weeks go on I observe more things and I keep documentation . . . I also keep calling . . . finally, I am threatened with my job. In the end it costed me my job . . . six month of my life defending myself against charges that I had lied to get rid of him . . . friendships.

I have worked slowly to forgive . . . more about my moving on . . . he left the area . . . oh, yea he did lose his job . . . the investigation resulted in "boys will be boys" and "no body was hurt" -- my intrepretation. . . the church secretary felt so unsafe she quit her 15 year job . . . a church was torn apart . . . and we have no idea about what other wounds were inflicted.

I heard about two and 1/2 years ago he was called to another church . . . I prayed hard that he had changed . . . I had seen how God had redeemed the experiences for the church secretary, for myself and even the church . . . they called a wonderful solo pastor . . . I hear that he has done well in healing them . . . even though we have met he never reached out and, in fact, when I was invited over 2 years later to a celebration for the 50th anniversary of the church he had me uninvited . . . what a message to the value of my 4 year ministry there.

Last night for some odd reason I google his name . . . a lawsuit has been filed against him . . . a member of the congregation he served has accused him of false imprisonment and rape . . . the church who called him, the judicial body over that church and the denomination are also named in the suit . . the lawsuit contends that people should have known . . . the article contents that when people were told they chose not to act . . . the article related that he told her that others had tried to hurt him but they were unsuccessful so she better kept her mouth shut . . . there is also a criminal investigation.

And we wonder about the state of the Church . . . if the judicial body who had oversight of him six years ago had taken the complaints seriously . . . if the investigated committee had done their job . . . was told last year by their chair that they didn't see the documents where he admitted everything . . . of course, we just misunderstood . . . why didn't they see these documents? . . . boys will be boys . . . no one was hurt.

Now, we have an 80 year old woman who relates she was hurt . . . imprisoned, raped and threatened alledgingly . . . and again the church was unwilling to respond . . . the Church failed this man . . . I believe that he is hurt and broken . . . and how did we show him love . . . by ignoring his pain and brokenness . . . to preserve the institution

The past has come back to haunt me . . . the pain and anger is back . . . and I wonder, what do I do with what I know . . . and I am praying . . . for this woman, his other victims and for him.

Lydia

A New Year . . .

It is a New Year . . . I use to make resolutions, I don't anymore as they would fall by the wayside within a month or so . . . this year no resolutions just a prayer . . .

Come, Holy Spirit,Spirit of God, Spirit of the Risen Christ,

Be with me today and always.

Be my Light, my Guide, and my Comforter.

Be my Strength, my Courage, and my Sanctifier.
May this new year be a time of deep spiritual growth for me,

A time for welcoming Your graces and gifts,

A time for forgiving freely and unconditionally,

A time for growing in virtue and goodness.
Come, Holy Spirit,

Be with me today and always. Amen.

Some children . . .

Some children see Him lily white,the baby Jesus born this night.

Some children see Him lily white,with tresses soft and fair.

Some children see Him bronzed and brown, The Lord of heav'n to earth come down.

Some children see Him bronzed and brown, with dark and heavy hair.

Some children see Him almond-eyed, this Savior whom we kneel beside.some children see Him almond-eyed,with skin of yellow hue.

Some children see Him dark as they, sweet Mary's Son to whom we pray.

Some children see him dark as they, and, ah! they love Him, too!

The children in each different place will see the baby Jesus' face like theirs, but bright with heavenly grace, and filled with holy light.

O lay aside each earthly thing and with thy heart as offering,

come worship now the infant King.

'Tis love that's born tonight!

Several years ago at one of the churches I served, a couple asked if they might do some special music the Sunday before Christmas . . . "of course if it is appropriate" . . . they assured me it was appropriate . . . tears flowed as I heard them sing these lyrics . . . and it reminded me of another song . . . Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world . . . did you know this is just the refrain to a hymn written to the tune of a Civil War song . . . there are verses, yes, verses . . . and there is an alternative refrain. . . Jesus died for all the children,All the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, All are precious in His sight, Jesus died for all the children of the world.

Powerful words and powerful reminders that Jesus is Lord of all colors of people . . . . as members of the One Family of God adopted by God through the person and work of Jesus Christ, especially His work on the cross can't the Church work harder to end racism and hatred?

Perhaps this is the gift that we need to pursue with all we are.

For God so loved the world . . .

Lydia

Instant Karma . . .

John Lennon wrote those lyrics . . . do I believe in karma like the Hindus do, no, but these is a saying my Mama taught me . . . she learned it from her Sunday School teacher when she was a little girl . . . she celebrates her 84th tomorrow . . . oh, what she learned: "be careful your sins will find you out." Is this in the Bible . . . no, I don't think these word are, but I think we have some evidence that there are consequences for things that we choose to do . . . Joseph's brothers, David and I am sure that there are many, many other examples that bear this out in Scripture and I am sure that we have all had experiences of this in our own lives.

Whether this is an example or not it is about what goes around comes around . . . more than 3 and 1/2 decades later (if my math is correct!?) When I was in 9th grade I liked a boy named Billy, a foot ball player . . . he liked a friend of mine, Chris . . . now Chris was a cheerleader, cute and outgoing . . . on the other hand, I eschewed football, was OK looking and introverted . . . Billy and Chris started dating . . . I was mad and wanted to get back at Chris for "stealing" Billy . . . so one day in Home Economics we were baking cakes from scratch . . . I waited for the opportunity to switch Chris' baking power for baking soda . . . her cake failed to rise.

I remembered this incident early this morning . . . I don't bake often but decided to bake some Christmas bread while visiting my family . . . so yesterday morning I got all my ingredients together . . . mixed them together . . . put the loaf pans in the oven . . . an hour later I check them . . . they don't appear to be rising as much as they should . . . after they are baked I look at them . . . flat. Later in the evening we go ahead and have a slice . . . although it didn't rise it tasted OK . . . about 2am this morning I woke up went to the pantry . . . yes, I had used baking soda instead of baking powder . . . and then I remembered Chris' face when Mrs. Neighbors graded her cake . . . "F." Chris and Billy are married and one of the few couples I know of from high school who are still living happily ever after.

Maybe the Golden rule of treating others as you would like to be treated isn't such a bad thing . . . most of the world religions have a similar concept . . . what might the world look like if we were to all live like this?

Lydia

It's about time . . .

It has been a long time since I have posted. Let me count the reasons . . . computer problems and lack of time . . . the first has been taken care of and the second continues to be a problem . . . really, an excuse . . . I think part of it is that I was kind of bummed out, but there seems to have been a remarkable change in the past two months.

The smaller membership church I partner with is in the process of a spiritual renewal . . . no, not all of the members . . . yesterday after Bible Study I started hearing the complaints . . . I don't like the changes . . . why isn't the choir sitting in the church anymore . . . they are . . . they just aren't wearing robes and sitting in the Chancel anymore . . . they sit in the congregation with their families then gather on the steps to sing . . . we hear better and most of the choir members like sitting with their families . . . they also help the congregation sing better singing among them.

It is sad that this woman can't make the connection between the increase in people who aren't members of the church joining in the life and work of the church . . . in the past half year we are having an increase in Worship attendance . . . in a smaller membership congregation any increase is significant, but we have about 7 adults and about 8 kids who are regular attendees . . . some who have been searching, one who has been way from the Church for about 34 years, three who are children of this congregation and left because of stodginess and were attending non-denominational churches -- now they're back and active! Last Sunday between Church School and Worship we had about 10 kids under the age of 8 out on the front lawn with about 6 over the age of 8 but not yet teens.

But contrasting this woman are others who through the process of moving deeper into relationship with Jesus have recognized that "t isn't about me" it is about the kingdom and are willing to embrace change so that others will come to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.

Advent will be the test . . . our Worship will look different . . . reformed but different is what came out of our 2010 Visioning Retreat.

Lydia

Moving into the vision . . .

I have now been the partner with this smaller membership congregation for 4 years and 1/4 . . . we have been through many storms together, both natural and human-mad (unrealistic expectations them of me, and me of them, unresolved anger, critical spirits, unforgiving natures, egos, vanity, wandering from the Word) . . . and now we seem to be gelling.

Next Saturday we have our second Visioning Retreat . . . this one building on our last and looking into the new year . . . we will be focusing on Worship, Nurture and Outreach . . . how we are working in each of these areas to be living the kingdom in the here and now.

Our congregation is slowly changing . . . in how we dress, what we look like, how we Worship, how we experience being the church together. . . it is exciting . . . it is scary . . . it is exhilarating . . . it is exhausting . . . above all I hope and pray that it is pleasing to God.

Where will the path take us . . . I pray it will take us to a place of being . . . being in deeper and fuller relationship with Jesus . . . and through our having deeper and fuller relationships with Jesus we will have deeper and fuller relationships with one another . . . relationships where we can rip our masks off and be vulnerable with one another . . . relationships that dare stepping out in faith to be the church in new and exciting ways to those in our community who do not know Jesus the source of life.

Ready for the trip,

Lydia